Keys to Letting Go of the Mind, Monkey or Otherwise
Now that we understand our situation, the next step is change. The first step of change is the letting go of something to embrace something new. Examining our thoughts is a key element of letting go. The Work of Byron Katie at thework.com is an excellent resource for examining thoughts. No sense in recreating the wheel here on that front. The Work is an advanced mind and thought yoga class though. It can be twisty and a tough balancing act if you are unfamiliar with the moves. I have watched many people struggle hard with it. That doesn’t make it a bad source, just a rather advanced sort of process. It is sometimes as easy as trying to tell ourselves to, “Just let it go already!” or to “Stop it!” “We’d love to,” we say, but there are those monkey thoughts in control right now that make that seem impossible.
Try to begin at the beginning. Mind yoga for beginners, let’s call it. Ask yourself a question. Ask, “What is my easiest thought to challenge?” Think of something you think is real, but that you are not completely attached to. We are not talking about thoughts like the sky is blue, or that we are too fat. We are not picking things we are sure are true. Pick something you might be slightly wishy washy on.
For example, if you have a little bit of OCD, like me, you can start by where something belongs. In my house, the peanut butter belongs in the refrigerator on the door, right side, on the middle shelf, upside down. You may disagree or not care about any or all of those rules about where the peanut butter belongs. If you do, good. Put your peanut butter in exactly that place and keep returning it to that place until you think it belongs there. Change your mind. For me, and anyone who agrees with me, move it to another place. In the beginning, you may need to make small or minor adjustments to where something “goes”. Maybe start by leaving it in the fridge, but a different door shelf. Then move it to a shelf not on the door, then not in the fridge until you can be okay with it not being in the fridge, and then until you can believe it belongs in the new spot. If you have OCD of the challenging sort, then this exercise might take a long time. The key isn’t to get attached to the new location either, if you do, then start moving it somewhere else. The key is to begin to realize that the thought that, “The peanut butt belongs here, like this,” is simply a thought, not the truth, not real, just a thought.
It does not have to be an object movement. It can be an action idea. Try this, when do you brush your teeth, before or after you eat breakfast, before or after you shower, before or after you get dressed? Try doing it at a different time in your routine. Do this until you can honestly say, “Now I can brush my teeth before or after I . . .” These are simple exercises in changing a thought to a new one. Done one at a time, with things we are slightly flexible on to begin with then moving toward things we are pretty sure we cannot change, we can learn to change our thoughts, and our actions around our thoughts.
Don’t change 10 things at once. Do one thing at a time, then a few things at a time, then harder things, etc. Until you can be completely flexible on everything. That is advanced mind yoga.
If you are a person who cannot/does not do a routine, or have a “place” for things. Your mind yoga is not about flexibility, it is about consistency. Choose a place for something, just one thing, and stick to it until it feels like it is right where it belongs. Choose something about your routine, then stick to it, until it feels funny to change it. No need to turn yourself into an inflexible being, just begin to realize that some consistency can also feel good.
If you are resisting any thoughts about doing this, you can tell yourself, “It’s just an exercise. It’s not real. I can change back any time I want.” That is also a thought that is mind yoga. It is actively working to remind ourselves that all of life is practice and can be changed if we don’t like it. If actually making the changes is too hard right now, first off, that is the monkey mind telling you that. Please actively tell the monkey mind to be quiet. Then, don’t change anything to begin with, simply think about the change. Imagine the peanut butter in a different location. Notice how your mind twists with the thought, notice how your body responds to the thought of the change. Don’t change it, just imagine the change and note your response. Keep using your imagination to make the same change until you physically can tolerate the thought of the change. Then physically make the change, gradually. You can pause or take a break from it too. Keep going though until you are able to release the thought that the “peanut butter goes there.”
Begin with small things, gradually increase to things that are harder, until you convince the monkey mind that it is no longer in control of you. Every time it tries to take control, you can say, “Hello, Monkey Mind! I do not believe in you today. I will choose my own thoughts thank you.” Now you have a flexible mind that can examine thoughts more rationally. You have to build that flexible thought muscle on things that are easier to begin with. Now that you have done that, you are ready for something more advanced. You might choose the Work, or you might choose your own process. You can let go of thoughts now, the process by which you examine them, will be infinitely easier from now on.