I read a blog recently related to selfishness. In it the author set up a scenario where there was a no win option. Either you died or the other person died. Where you would choose to take a life preserving measure, whereas the other person died, or allow the other person to do so, and then you died. The author’s point was simple, sometimes we have to choose ourselves over others in order to survive. I also think she meant to say that, that sort of choice isn’t actually selfish, but more of a self preservation choice.
Many people responded that they saw a third option or that there must be a third option. Perhaps you could share the life preserving option, which might diminish each person’s chance of survival, but also might increase the chance that both survive. I believe those responders might have missed the point. The point wasn’t when we are faced with a difficult decision, it is when we are faced with a no win situation. While in the scenario, it might have actually had other options, that wasn’t the point. The point was it is okay to think of yourself over others.
My response was different. Mostly because I do not see death as an ending, but more of a transformation. When we are born, we transform into a human form. When we die, we transform back into our spiritual form. Sometimes we do this many times, or have done this many times, but reincarnation is a different topic. In this case where one dies and the other lives, my thought was we all die. It is the when that is the factor. Since we are all energy and energy cannot be destroyed only transformed, death is a bit of an illusion. In addition, the energy that we are is not separate from one another, it is all one energy. We are all one, come from the same source. There is no true separation of energy among anything. Even a rock vibrates with energy. An energy that is connected to the universe equally. So, if one dies, we all die a bit, and if one lives, we all live a little bit. It is way more simple and way more complicated that choosing to be selfish or not.
I have been thinking more on the article, and I also don’t see that scenario as a selfishness conversation though. When the conversation is life or death, and a person chooses life. It is not selfish. It is self preservation. They are different things. I see selfishness as more of a situation where I could choose the both option, and I choose the me option. I see it as when a person does not consider others or try to see beyond the self option. Either they are so concerned with themselves that other options and other humans or beings do not matter, or they see others, and do not care about their wellbeing either at all or as much.
Selfishness is also not self-care. If we are to be of use and purpose in this life, we must do self-care, not to the detriment or harm of others, but sometimes instead of taking care of others. I am often faced with that dilemma. Do I take care of other people, or do I take care of myself. Two things drive my decision. One of them is me, the other is the other person. For me, it is what is needed for me in that moment to follow my purposeful path. Do I need to take some time for myself, do something for myself, be by myself to sustain or further my mission in life? Or, does someone else need me to do something to support them to sustain their purpose and mission more than I need me to take care of me? Not all situations are me or them, only sometimes. Often I can choose a variation of taking care of me and taking care of others. Sometimes though, it is an opposition.
Example, my friend wants me to help him pack up to move. I know that this task is hard for him because he can have trouble organizing thoughts and things. I want to do something else that will be good for me. I might be able to do both, but I know that his task will take a lot of energy from me. Though that energy is transferred to him and so balances out. In the moment, I might choose me. That depends on my current energy level and whether or not I think I have enough to sustain the activity he wants me to do. I might choose to do something else to raise my energy level first like a nap, which delays him, but might be needed. I might also choose to be selfish and say that I just don’t have the energy to do it. I might actual not have it, or I am choosing to not have it. These are more of the type of choices that people are faced with every day. We are not faced with I live you die, or you live I die. We are faced with I send or give you energy, or I protect, save, preserve energy for myself.
Does the other person need you to share energy with them to create a balance in the universe? If so, then maybe it is selfish to not share. You are choosing to keep for yourself something that might be needed elsewhere. If you do not have spare energy to share though, is it still selfish? Like I said before, all energy is shared. We are all one in life and death both from and in the same energy. I also believe that energy is distributed unequally. While a rock lives, has energy, a vibration, that is not equal to the energy of a human. Not all humans have the same energy level or vibration either. The universe wants this energy field to be balanced. If you preserve more energy than is needed to keep things balanced in your life, you will feel it. It will feel selfish. If you share and preserve in a way that is balanced, you will not feel selfish when you stop to take care of yourself. If you have not taken time in your life to preserve or build up your energy, and all you do is give, this will feel imbalanced. You might feel selfish when you try to pull your energy back, but this is just because you are not used to having energy.
It is also true that we can be both selfish and also giving, and imbalanced. That is a trick of the mind. Low vibrations are caused by many things. Selfishness can create that. When you give from a place of duty, obligation, or because you have to, that will lower your energy and vibration. It is actually selfish giving in a way. You give because you think it is going to be good for you in the end. You give because you hope to receive, because then you will be due something. This isn’t bad or good. Think about when you work at a job you hate. You are working just for the money. You give only in hopes of receiving. This will not energize you. If you work at a job you love, and you get paid, you are giving because it brings you joy regardless of what is given in return. You are sharing simply to share. You will find it energizing, you will also receive more than a paycheck, though what you receive is not what you seek, it will still come. When we give so we can receive, it does not feel balanced. When we give just because we can or want to, what we receive is a bonus, and is balancing. It will raise our vibration, give us more energy to give away, and naturally, that energy will come back to us. When we give to receive, we are only putting out just enough to get something back and are always seeking a return on our investment. That seeking return will always feel unbalanced.
Seeking to preserve our energy isn’t bad or good either. When we seek to preserve ourselves to achieve a balance to feel more balanced, that is not selfish. When we seek to preserve our energy because we are concerned about ourselves so much that we want to preserve it all for us and not share it unless there is a return on it, or some people will not share even then, that is not balancing. It is selfish.
If we are in an empty sea and drowning, and there is but one way to survive and for only one of us, and that is truly the way it is. If there is no other option than only one of us lives, the decision about who lives can be a selfish one, or it can be a self preservation one, or it can be a balanced one. I can give up the option to live because I hope to receive a bonus for being self sacrificing, and maybe I go to heaven and get rewarded for being awesome, and people on Earth will praise my heroism. Maybe I just don’t want to live with the guilt of surviving. That is selfish. Maybe I choose to take the life preserving option for myself so that I do not die because I cannot fathom death, and I must live no matter what happens to others. That is also selfish. If together, the other person and myself can work to find a way that the death of one of us balances out the energy of the universe, not a sacrifice on either part, but a joint decision on what makes the most sense for each of our paths. If we can be quiet together and listen to the universal energy and ask why we have been faced with this choice and for whom it is life and for whom the choice is death. Death not as a sacrifice, but because it is time for it. We are not faced with death in order to die. Sometimes we are faced with death in order to live, and other times we are faced with death because it is time to die. It is hard to know which it is without asking your higher self which is the choice that makes sense for this moment.
In the drowning situation, some people felt like the guilt of self preservation would not serve us, and so was not actually going to be good for either person. That might be true. It might not though. If we work together to see which option will be balancing, then no one need feel guilty. Not all humans are capable of such rational and spiritual conversation though. Especially if they believe death is final, rather than a doorway to the next thing.
So selfishness is simple, and it is complicated. A connection to your higher self can help you figure it out though. Listen to yourself. You know what is your higher purpose. Follow your higher purpose to preserve or share your energy and in what ways benefit the balance of the universe. You will not feel selfish, and you will have all of the energy you need to fulfill your destiny. By the way, that destiny is one you chose before you were born. It is also not selfish. It was a collaboration with other souls to find a path that benefited all in a big picture sort of way. We all lead the lives we are supposed to live for whatever our purpose was to be. We can choose freely to follow our chosen path or not, and still, we will be on the path we chose before we got here. The incidentals of how we get to our purpose are guided but not controlled. Things are put into our path to shape it. We choose those things. Our higher self is choosing those things, and we are our higher selves, so we are choosing them. How we choose to respond to them is ours to choose. If we choose as is hoped for the furthering of our purpose, excellent. If we do not and choose in opposition to our greater purpose, that will be another thing for us to learn to find our path. It is fine, and you will keep putting the things in your path that you need to get to your purpose. The big picture is mostly out of our sight. We can see glimpses if we ask, and we are patient, and quiet and listen really well. When we are balanced and our vibration is high, we can listen and see the larger picture best. Selfishness will prevent that state, and selfishness is also part of our path to learn in this lifetime. We may also be here to learn selflessness or giving to the death of us.
One more thing to consider, when we choose to let another live and we die, that might not serve them best. There is of course the guilt, but there is also a balance to consider and the bigger picture. Think about my friend and his packing. If I rescue him, and help him through that process, will he get out of it what he needs or will he be able to avoid a lesson that is there for him to receive? Sometimes helping people isn’t helping. Sometimes saving people isn’t saving them at all. It is keeping them from taking care of themselves. In the drowning scenario, that might be it. It might be the other person’s time to die. We choose to die instead, and we have saved them, but for what? They were supposed to die. It will all balance out in the end, but we cannot always know if what we are doing to “help” or give to others is truly what they need. It might be they need to hear, “No. You are supposed to do this on your own.” That is tough and feels selfish sometimes, but sometimes it is the universe supporting balance. When someone has been taking more than their share, there might be some “no’s” in their future.
That’s it. Long winded as I tend to be, it is that, and also hopefully helpful to someone. In summary, it is not enough to be selfless in order to avoid being selfish. That is actually selfish too. Seek the balance that is your purpose and for the purpose of others, which might be to give, and it might be to receive. Do both for balance and because it is your purpose. That will be what actually sustains you and feels the most energizing, safest, and most beneficial for all.