The more I listen to people talk, and the more I read about other people’s thoughts on the topic of thoughts, the more I feel like this work is not just mental yoga, it’s mental gymnastics at times. I realize that the only reason it feels like that is because I am still holding onto how I think my mind should work, and these ideas do not match up with how I am conditioned to think. So, I get it. Trying to let go of things you have held onto your whole life as real are hard to let go of. I don’t want you to do it for me. I don’t have an investment in whether you do this work or not. I only want to do my own work. Part of that means writing, and sharing seems like a good plan.
As I talk to others about this, I learn. As I hear them learn, I learn. As I share, I learn. That is all. I understand all of this on an intellectual level, pretty well, and I struggle constantly to really live it, and that is all I am trying to do. Live it. That’s it. And still, I know it might be challenging for all of us, bare with me.
That being said, here is the deal. Every time I think I get it, I realize there is nothing to get. I heard all day today in my audio lesson that there is no such thing as things like enlightenment. If you think you are enlightened, then you aren’t. If you are, you won’t think that, because enlightenment is no thought. It is all about no attachment to even the idea of being enlightened. Striving for enlightenment, will not get you there, because there is no there to get. It is a state of being, and still being is not real. Contradictions seem like all there are. You can’t strive for enlightenment because that would be attachment to being enlightened, which is the opposite of being enlightened. As soon as you think you have reached it or become it, you lose it because trying to hold it, is the opposite of enlightenment.
That whole circle of thought is exactly why people like me and others struggle so hard. It feels like there is no answer, no way, no possibility of success. As soon as you attempt to grasp success, it is gone. That is the complete secret though. No grasping. No trying. No idea of succeeding or winning, no right or wrong, just be. Be in this moment each and every moment. That is all we have is this moment. Once it changes to the next moment, what we had before is gone. We can’t see the future. It doesn’t exist anywhere but in our imagination. Our past is also only in our imagination. The second a moment passes, we start to use our mind to remember it, and in that process it changes from what it was in that moment to how we choose to remember it.
Perspective is all we have, and no one’s perspective is right, or wrong. Then people ask how? How do I get this? How do I do it? As you strive for those answers, you are missing it, and you are on target. The way through this life is through choices that we make. The question is, what choices will you make?
Every religion promises peace, the end of suffering, and a happy life by believing in this religion. Many of them say your faith and level of faith is why you are close to or far from this peace, end of suffering and a happy life. They are wrong. Your faith is not the issue. I have had faith, real, strong faith, and I was not rewarded in the way I was promised. I have now realized that I had missed the point. Faith is not believing in something. It is not believing in nothing. It is not believing at all. It is questioning, always, questioning. If nothing is real, nothing is true, or right or wrong, then it must be something, and yet, it isn’t that either. As soon as we start to attach to the idea of something or the idea of nothing, we lost it.
I was raised a Christian, and if you are one, consider that the book you believe in has huge inconsistencies. That is only the books that were allowed to be in it. Include the ones that were removed, and there are even more. I know some Christians will argue with that, and I am not concerned with that. I have studied the Bible, in many ways. What I realize now is that God wants us to question and find our own way, to not know anything, and not be able to grasp at one truth. That is why that book has inconsistencies. That is why there are so many ways to have faith, believe in God, or not, and still be right on target. If God did not want us to question, He would have made there be only one way to believe. One of the things we can believe is that we are all god, not gods, but god. There is, never was, any separation from being god. God is us. We are god.
It is about just being still in each moment and questioning everything. Consider yourself 2 years old. Why? How come? Where? What? Children understand the world perfectly. It is a giant question. Then at some point we start to believe that once the question is answered, that is what is real, and we start to hold onto that thought, that idea, that emotion, that goal, etc., and we stop questioning. The second we lose our 2 year old mind of all questions and no reality, we are done. And we are not done because we always have time to go back to being 2.
I have said that each person’s life has a purpose. The second I believe that, I lost the purpose. Still, the purpose is remembering that there is no purpose except to have experiences. Some people say we are learning lessons. Just one, that there are no lessons, only love. We are learning just one thing, love. We come from love. We return to love. That is it. While we are here, we are supposed to remember from where we came and to where we are going. There is nothing else. There is no thing else. The main thing that keeps us from remembering is our ego, which is attached to our thoughts, and keeps us stuck in our delusion of a reality that actually exists. It doesn’t. As soon as I begin to think something it ceases to exist.
The questions is always, how do it do it? How do it let go, remember, forget, etc. The answer is always question. Don’t believe it because I say it. Question it yourself. See what happens when you do. Think, then question it. Find an answer, question it. Think you know, question it, and don’t hold onto any of it.
How can I be happy if I have nothing. It’s not about having nothing. It is about not attaching to what you have, not attaching to what you want, and loving what is. Knowing one thing, nothing is real if you do not believe it to be true, so you only need it if you think you do. Happiness is only for a moment. When you live in the past, you cannot be happy because the thing that made you happy is gone. You think, I was happy then, but not now. When you live in the future, you can’t be happy because it has not happened yet. You think you will be happy when it happens, but not now. So, you are never happy. Longing to go back, striving to move forward, and in so doing, you miss now. Happiness is only possible now, in this moment, loving what you have now, what is now, and then it’s gone. The best news ever is that every moment is now, and if happiness is only now, now happens over and over again, and so happiness can happen over and over again in every moment we have. Yes, in the next moment the happiness is gone, but every moment has the potential to have it again, and again, and again. How we do that is by being open to it, questioning anything that steals it away, and to never try to hold onto it. The act of trying to hold it will crush it into nothing.
That is all I have to say today. I am still sorting it out, and the harder I try to sort, the more I realize that action is what is stopping me from actually understanding. One thing I heard today that I am going to try to be with, is that we already know everything we need to know. We are already enlightened, happy, loved and are love. All we need to do is embrace that which is, and what isn’t, and that nothing is. It whirls me. Always, whirls me. Keep questioning.
Namaste (The light in me, honors the light in you.)