The last post noted that we do not have control over anything, that control is an illusion. If you didn’t read that one, you might want to go back and check that out. This one is kind of a part 2 to that idea.
If we establish that the only thing we can sort of control is our choice in each present moment, and that once chosen the results are out of our control, we then begin to wonder how we can let go of our need to control that outcome. On one hand it is pretty simple, just stop trying to control it. On the other hand, there is so much fear associated with lack of control over things, we literally cannot fathom not trying to control things.
We fear that if we stop trying to control outcomes in our lives, that our lives will fall apart, become hopeless and empty, disastrous. We fear if we stop trying to control our children, that they will fall apart, die, be harmed, etc. We fear that if we do not control ourselves, we will become horrible people. If someone doesn’t do something to control other people, that people will be come horrible, awful humans and go around killing and harming other people.
I guess what I realized that is that fearing that horrible things will happen, and trying to keep them from happening, does not prevent them from happening. I also realized that working really hard to make great things happen, and working to control outcomes toward a positive measure doesn’t guarantee that positive things will happen either. I don’t think that the results in life are random. I don’t believe in randomness. I believe there is purpose. If something awesome happens, I see purpose. If something terrible happens, I see purpose. I am not always sure of the purpose in the moment, but I believe in the purpose and nearly always see it at some point.
I was taught to pray when I was a child. Prayers had a purpose. They were to praise God and thank Him for all of the wonders in my life. They were to ask God to bring into my life, or the lives of others, the things I/we desired. They were to seek healing for myself or others. There was a format to prayer. I was told one time that if I did it incorrectly and something bad happened that it would be my fault. I was afraid to pray for a while after that. For all of the praying people were doing around me, bad things still happened. Horrible, awful things still happened. For example, I did not get well while people kept praying for me. I was told then that I did not have enough faith for God to heal me. Also not accurate. I had a ton of faith. I lost that faith, and now I have it back. Good things happened too. People were healed. People received gifts and things worked out. Just not for me. Thing was, when I stopped praying, life went along much the same as when I was not praying. Good things happened both for me and for others, and bad things happened both for me and for others. I saw no difference in my life when I was “following God”, and when I wasn’t. It was as if there was a plan, and my praying didn’t really change the plan at all. I can see that now. It was a grand design for my life. A design I was not going to alter by praying. It was a chosen path, and now I realize, it was chosen by me.
I do think prayer is valuable, but not toward changing the plan. I don’t think prayer controls or changes anything that was supposed to happen, but it has a great deal to do with our internal experience of what happens. I also believe in meditation. Meditation, energy work/healing, readings, prayer, teaching, studying etc., it is all part of the plan.
We are here to have experiences. Things like prayer and meditation are internal experiences that we are meant to have. We are meant to learn, grow, change, and have many types of experiences. Things like prayer and meditation prepare us for what life is about to bring us. If we are designed to have horrible things happening to and around us, prayer and meditation give us the internal resilience to navigate those experiences. If we are meant to have happy, joyful, and positive experiences, prayer and meditation prepare us to notice those experiences and draw them toward us.
There is science that states that our internal state is what determines what we are drawn to and what is drawn to us. Dr. Joe talks about living the life you hope for and imagine as though it is already here, and you will draw that life to you, and you will be open and ready to receive that life when it arrives. He states that through meditation, you can prepare yourself to live and find the life you imagine having. I agree 100% with that, but I do not think it changes anything in your outside life necessarily.
I believe that happiness, hope, love, etc. all of those positive things we seek outside of ourselves are not outside of us at all. They are inside of us. Consciousness creates reality, not reality creating consciousness. Things like prayer and meditation are often cited as ways to create an outside life that matches our desires. What Dr. Joe is saying is that the life we imagine already exists. Within all of the difficulties, struggles, pain and suffering, there is a life exactly like we always wanted, full of hope, joy, love and gratitude. That life is there for all of us, all we have to do is realize that what is happening outside of us is not what dictates the existence of that life. It is only what is happening around us. The life we seek is inside of us. It is our internal experience that creates the life we wish to have. The life is already here! We just have to live it.
I know this is 100% true. I have had the perfect outside life, and was miserable because my inside life was horrible. I have had a horrible outside life and been at perfect peace because my inside life was at peace. I have seen this happen over and over again to me and every person I know. What happens outside is not what creates life’s joy and happiness, only what happens inside of us, and that is the only thing we can control.
Does it seem hopeless and demotivating to know that you cannot ever control the things happening outside of you? You can influence them, but what is meant to be, will be, regardless of your influences. In other words, if you are meant to influence something to happen, you will. If you are not, you won’t. You might be thinking, why should I try? Why should I do anything if nothing matters? Well, that isn’t exactly what I am saying. Everything you do matters. While it does not necessarily matter to the grand plan as an effort to change or dictate the plan, everything you do is a part of the plan. You are meant to do everything you do.
You and spirit chose your life. You chose the choices that would be placed in front of you, the results of your choices, the opportunities you would have and struggles you would face. You chose the types and intensity of your life’s experiences before you were born. Still, there is free will to choose in each moment. Your choices may not stop something from happening, or make something happen that wasn’t supposed to happen, but you are meant to choose something. Think about it like an interactive video game or story. There are things that are supposed to happen in the story. There are supposed to be fights, prizes, treasure and pain. There is an end to the story or game, something to finally achieve, and end goal. In this life, the end goal is we transition to the next life. I do not know what that is, but it is what we all get to in the end. In the meantime, how do you want to get there?
Each decision you make turns the page on the game or story. You might find treasure or pain when you turn the page. Your choice determines not which you will find, but what it looks like. If you are meant to find pain, you will. Your choices will determine what that pain looks like. If you are meant to find treasure, you will. Your choices will determine what that treasure looks like.
Think micro not macro. Each time you make a decision, it effects you immediately inside. That shift inside puts out energy into the universe, and the universe responds with what is next. If you are supposed to fight a demon, your choice might not keep the demon from arriving, even if you attempted to stop it. What it might do is determine what the demon looks like.
In my life, I have realized that one of my life’s goals was to learn to be able to hold two or more alternate and opposite ideas in my soul both as true. That is not my only goal, but it is one of the major ones. When I look at my history, many times I was faced with choices that lead me to realize this truth. There isn’t one truth. There are multiple truths. Like the idea of control. I keep saying you can’t control anything, and that you can control the choices you make, which then determines what happens. Those seem like opposing ideas, and they are, but they are also not. They can both be true. It is the essence of yin yang, my favorite symbol in life. “This and That are true.”
I think it is fundamentally about realizing that you have no control, and can only control yourself, sort of. There is never something so absolute as “the answer is . . .” The second you start to try to hold onto something and control it, you will lose it. Life is meant to flow, move, change, evolve, and continually be re-created. The idea of controlling anything in it will ultimately create pain and suffering for you. If you take the idea of controlling yourself, and then find that you cannot do it, what then? Again, what we think we can control is beyond this moment, and what we can control is only now. You did control this moment, your choice, your actions, etc. and then the moment changed. Whatever you did, is done. You can no longer control it. Let it go. We spend so much time trying to control what we did in the past or worrying about what will happen in the future, what we end up controlling now is limited to looking back and forward, not at the now, which is when we have control, which we release when we are not here to exert it!!
My mantra to others is this, “Breathe. Focus on your breath. Be here, now in this moment. Once you are fully here in this moment, choose. Not for what you hope the future to become, not for a hope to change the past, but choose for this moment what you want, who you want to be, how you want to think and feel right now in this moment and be that. Let go of what you think that choice will do or become or lead to, just choose for today, now, in this moment. Tomorrow will be what it is. Yesterday is already gone. Your choice is not then. It is now. Choose now, and let the rest of it go. It does not belong to you anyway.”
Namaste