So many people including myself create negative outcome goals, like No Ice Cream on Fridays. It’s a don’t. Goals that are “don’ts”, “stops” and “can’ts” are tough ones. Especially if you are trying to break a habit of something you do as a routine or ritual like something you eat, say, do, wear, smoke etc. I usually recommend that people focus on a positive goal, something to do, rather than something you will not do. It is way easier to do something, rather than Not do something. Another reason is that we do what we do for a reason. There are a ton of reasons we might do things, to feel happy, to relieve stress, to feel anything at all. Often, we are doing things we think we shouldn’t do to fill a void of some kind.
I am not entirely sure why sugar became my go to for feeling happy. We all know that sugar spikes blood sugar, which can also increase endorphins in our brains, just like cocaine, so someone gave me sugar when I was sad one time, it made me happy and that was the end of the game for me. We all have our reasons that we do the things we do. It is really important that we understand those things though. If you know your reason why you do it, then you can start to know when you will be most likely to do it.
There are two pieces to this part of achieving goals. First part is this, while you are tracking whether you are following your goal statement or not, because it is measurable and you can see if you are doing it or not, pay as close attention to when you are successful, and when you aren’t. For example, if I had eaten ice cream on a Friday, I would note what I was feeling that day, what thoughts I had that gave me permission to do it, even though it was my goal not to do it, and I would write those things down. For the next goal, noting when I eat ice cream with friends and how that feels, what I think about it afterward, as well as what my thoughts and feelings are if I eat ice cream at home alone.
Thinking back to the times I ate ice cream other days than Friday, and either out or home alone, I notice a couple of things. One, if I ate it at home alone I usually was feeling sad or in pain, like I have been sick the past couple of weeks with a cold and sore through. Ice cream makes colds and sore throats feel better, right? Also, there was a half-gallon of ice cream in the house, and it called to me. I kept telling myself that I did not need to eat it, but I did anyway because it was there, and I like it. It makes me happy. Well, it actually didn’t make me happy this time because I felt like I was cheating, even though it wasn’t Friday. So, moving forward, with that being my actual goal now, I will track my thoughts and feelings more specifically if I choose to break my goal, and also when I follow it.
The next part of achieving a goal is to notice what is happening in your mind and heart when you follow the plan, and when you don’t.
Meditation: Not so much a mantra this time. Use visualization instead. See yourself during the moments you achieve your stated goal, and the times you didn’t reach it. Notice in your imagination your thoughts and feelings in those moments. Bring them to the front of your mind so you can see them really clearly. After doing that, write that information down.