Lesson 2: Let That Shit Go, LTSG, or Let That Stuff Go if you don’t like swearing 🙂
Okay, in the concept of Yin Yang we discussed that all of this is meant to be and normal for you, for me, for all of us. If we keep holding onto something we will disrupt our chi, or energy flow. That will make us sick, out of balance, emotionally and physically. Now, since everything is as it is supposed to be, if we do that, aren’t we just doing what we are supposed to do? If we don’t hold onto shit, then that becomes what we are supposed to do too. That’s confusing.
Why let things go if holding onto something is what I am supposed to do, if I do it? That is true, and you don’t have to do it (let go), and that is also what you are supposed to do, if you don’t do it. There is always free will. You always get to decide everything. Nothing happens without your permission. I get that is very hard for us to accept sometimes when bad stuff happens to us. We don’t want to accept accountability for that kind of stuff happening. Remember it isn’t that we caused it. It is that because we choose to see things in a certain way, we give them permission to do what they do to us. The things that happen may or may not be a direct cause from something we choose to think, feel, do or say. What we always have had is the free will to choose what we do with it once it happens.
For example, someone might call me a name, or criticize me, say something I do not like, do something I do not like. That person may be someone I really care what they think and do. I didn’t necessarily give them permission to call me the name or whatever, but that isn’t what happens to me. Someone calling me a name isn’t them doing something to me. It is just them doing something. It only happens to me when I give it permission to do that, AND I don’t have to do that. I can also give it permission to be something for me, or not give it any permission to affect me at all.
I don’t give a natural disaster permission to happen in the world. I can either give it permission to happen to me or for me. I can give it permission to enhance my life or destroy it. I know this is true because all around the world horrible things are happening. In the places those things happen, some people are devastated by them, and others are rising above and thriving. They are the same people in terms of the kind of person they are, what they are experiencing and where, but they are also kind of different. Some of them give life permission to happen to them, the others give life permission to happen for them.
In terms of LTSG, you choose what happens to and for you. If you are choosing to let life happen to you, you are holding onto shit that is going to hurt you. Choosing to use life for you, you are not holding onto things to hurt you, you are using what happens to enhance your life, self, relationships, growth etc. In choosing it for yourself, it is very easy to let it go once the purpose has been fulfilled. When we hold onto stuff as happening to us, we feel out of control of it, and then all kinds of grasping and creating goes into justifying hanging onto things for dear life. Since the thing isn’t being allowed to fulfill its purpose, it just stays and stays and stays.
Bottom line, step one to LTSG, realizing that everything can have a purpose and happens for you, if you choose that. Step two, use it. Step three, let it go. I mean really, let it go.
Step one, realization is about that Yin Yang principle already discussed. It is all necessary for growth and life.
Step two is more complicated, how does one use natural disasters, insults, abuse, sexual violence, rudeness, assaults, death of loved ones, and on and on for our benefit? The secret to this is questions. We need to ask honest questions and give ourselves honest answers. The questions themselves are not the main point. It is really just to keep asking yourself questions of all kinds until you figure it out. If you don’t know what to ask, ask a friend to ask you something.
Examples: Here are a few questions you might try. These are not “The Right” questions. They are examples of questions you might use.
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- What are my core values or beliefs?
- How does this thing that is happening fit into my core values and beliefs?
- Do I have control over what his happening?
- What control do I want to have over how I am perceiving or experiencing what is happening?
- How does what I want to control fit into my core values and beliefs?
- Is there anything I want to be different?
- What can I do to make that difference?
- Does that match my core values and beliefs?
- How are my perceptions contributing to my suffering or creating barriers to my happiness?
- What different thoughts could I have that might ease that suffering or create more satisfaction?
- What do I really want? Is what I am thinking and doing creating what I want? If not, what will?
There are a lot of questions here related to what your core values and beliefs are, so if your answer is, “I don’t know because I don’t have core values and beliefs, you are not actually accurate.” It might be that you are not aware of what your current core values and beliefs are, but you have them. How do you figure out what they are? The short answer is Behavior is Communication, and so, how you act is a direct reflection of your current set of core values and beliefs. Simply put, if you focus your attention and actions towards getting more for yourself, then that is a core value and belief that you have. “I get more.” If you focus on doing for others above yourself, then that is a core value and belief. “Others get more.” It is helpful for people to actually choose their core values and beliefs consciously and know what they are, because when you try to compare what is happening around you to your values, it is much easier if they are clear. Keep in mind, if you say your core value is helping people, but your actions tend to be for helping yourself, you may not have an honest awareness of what your core values are. You may want your core value to be thinking of the greater good for all of us, but if you are being either selfish or self-neglectful, that isn’t actually what you value.
I’ll do more on core values later, but just know that you have them whether you are aware of them or not. If you are asking those questions and the answers are I don’t know my core values, assume this, that whatever is happening is either happening to help you develop your core values or in order to shine a light on them, as in, you are not aware of them. In fact, I would venture to say, that is a very good use of most of what happens around us. It is useful in developing ourselves into who we believe we are meant to be, one aspect of which is values and beliefs.
One note, core values are not the same as your core value. We all have the same core value. We are all equal and are beings of Yin Yang, light and dark, humans. We may or may not carry that as a belief system, which is what “values” are.
Step three Let It Go! Once you use something for your development, you do not need it anymore, just like air. You cannot hold your breath indefinitely. You have to let it out, and yet, you absolutely need to bring the air in, and then let it out again. Consider that everything is like air. Bring it in and let it out, as easy and necessary as breathing itself. There are a thousand ways to let things go. They all incorporate the same ideas. Believe fully that the thing is no longer necessary or serving a purpose. I realize how hard this can be. I struggle every time I go through my abundant t-shirt collection. If you have been holding onto a belief or emotion for a very long time, it might feel weird to let it go, to feel like you don’t need it anymore, but like air, you don’t. I do not need any of my t-shirts. I like them, but I do not need them. If I decide I no longer like one of them, they become super easy to let go. So if you no longer like the pain you are in, toss it like an old t-shirt you don’t like anymore. Exhale it right out of your body. Envision a pair of scissors cutting a rope tethering you to it. Put it in a cloud and imagine it floating away. Blow an imaginary or real bubble, put it in there and then pop it. Write it or draw it and then burn it. Like I said, there are numerous ways to work on letting things go. You control it. So, just like Nike says, “Just do it!”
Namaste