Do you ever want to know why something happened? Lots of us do. We think we want to know the truth about why things happen too, but I am not sure that is always accurate. We do want to know something that makes sense to us though, which may or may not actually be what is true.
Truth is also relative. People around the world will argue that. Some people think that there is an absolute truth about some things. Some people think there is an absolute truth about all things. I don’t know if there is about some things, like gravity and Math might have absolute truths, but I do know that not all things have a absolute truth. Especially things that people around the world cannot agree on. If people are arguing about it, it might be one of those things that does not have one absolute truth, no matter how much we think our truth is The Truth, if someone disagrees, we might need to take another look.
I am not saying that if someone disagrees with you that your truth is not valid. Nor am I saying that if no one disagrees with you that your truth is The Only Truth. I am saying it is A truth, and that there is a possibility that there is more than one truth about some things. Not saying it isn’t The Truth either, just saying if even one person disagrees, you might want to take a closer look at what they think before dismissing it. And if no one disagrees with you, you might want to check out some different groups of people who don’t agree with you.
Here is why you probably won’t do that though. Humans enjoy being right. They do not typically enjoy feeling wrong. Their ego is all tied up in “knowing what is right, and being right.” it’s a sort of survival instinct. A very useful one in terms of surviving but can actually be counterproductive at times.
What we also know about humans is that they tend to believe information that aligns with what they believed before they heard the information. If the information does not align with what they already knew, their instinct will be to discredit or dismiss the information as false. Sometimes if something seems like it might not align, we simply stop listening to it so we don’t have to reconcile it with our current truth. Try not to be too defensive on that if you are a person who does consider other people’s opinions fully, even when they do not agree with you. You are a special person if you do that exclusively. Most of us fall on a scale of sorts. It ranges from I only ever listen to ideas and information that aligns with my current truth, to I always listen to all information regardless of it aligns with current truths or not. Most people fall somewhere in the middle, like I listen to most ideas and information fully before choosing if I believe it or not, even if it does not align with my current truth. Unless it is one of the things I believe is an absolute truth, then I do not listen well to information that does not align.
That is the trick though. Do you know what truths you hold sooo tightly to that you don’t consider counter information well? You may or may not even be aware of what some of those things are, especially if you are surrounded by people who also hold that same truth as tightly as you do. We do tend to do that, gravitate toward relationships with people who generally agree with our fundamental truths of life. There would certainly be a lot more discord in the world if we didn’t do that. There is enough when we do.
What is the value of considering these counter points to our tightly held belief systems? Some people do not see a value in it, and that is why they do not do it. I propose, that from time to time, examining your belief systems, even the most ingrained and tightly held ones, is really beneficial to not becoming an asshole. I find that when I am being an ass, it is often when someone is disagreeing with something that I am really attached to believing is true. When I am open to discussing and seeing the points of view of others, I am not usually accused of assholishness. I think that is pretty much true of most people. I am not saying that you need to discard your tightly held belief systems at all. I am merely suggesting that openness to examining them and considering counter points to them can be a way to seem less like a jerk.
Are their other benefits, other than what other people think of you? Well yes, there are! When we develop skills at openness and consideration of others, we are actually way less stressed out and anxious. Consider the last time you felt really stressed and anxious. Did it have anything to do with wanting to control what other people were doing or thinking? Did it have anything to do with what you were doing or thinking? Did it have anything to do with conflict with another person? Pretty much all of my stress is about one of those three things. Even money stress. Yes, I feel stress because there is sometimes less money than there are things to spend it on, but it is tied to my beliefs about money and buying things that is causing the stress, not actually the money itself. Beliefs are interfering with my being calm. Not saying that all stress is about a tightly held idea or belief, just mentioning that much of our stress comes down to this. When we have an open mind and are able to consider other ideas than the ones we currently believe, we might be able to talk with another person about our beliefs, and they might be able to share an idea that might actually help us change our stressful belief into something less stressful. Like I do have enough money, even if I might need to spread out certain purchases over more time.
Studies have shown that people who are more flexible and open are less stressed out and anxious than people who are not. Seems like a no brainer to me. It is not the easiest thing do to though, challenge our belief systems and consider counter points to our tightly held truths. It can actually be stressful to do it, but doing it regularly will reduce how stressful it is to do over time, and reduce stress around our truths, thoughts and beliefs. Just like any skill. It takes time and practice before it becomes easy to do and you feel the effects of the work. If you cannot see any value to this exercise, perhaps you have a tightly held truth that this information is challenging and are having trouble considering that counter point. Consider this your first opportunity to start practicing the skill. Consider that there might actually be value in being flexible in our beliefs and truths.
Namaste