Inspired by Brene Brown.
Somewhere along the way, I am not certain where or by whom exactly. In fact, it is unlikely that it was one thing, in one place, and one person. Along my way in life I received a message, “You must be extraordinary! It is bad to be ordinary, to be mundane, to be just like everyone else. You must rise above and be better than others, smarter, stronger, richer, more successful . . . You must take care of other people and sacrifice yourself to do it.” I mean, I watched TV, so that is a place where that message is prevalent. I went to school where I was graded on how successful I could be. I took standardized tests to see how I compared to other kids my age in terms of intelligence, then they compared that with how successful I was being in school. I was told I was not living up to my potential constantly. I was smarter than my effort portrayed, they would say. They said I was lazy, that I was better than I was achieving.
I everywhere I went people would say, be more, be better, try harder, excel, achieve . . . Yet, somewhere inside of me I sort of just felt like that wasn’t who I wanted to be. I don’t want to be special, or important, better, richer or famous. I do have fantasies about having a bunch of money, but what I would do with it is have an ordinary life with less worry about money, and help others have their ordinary lives with less worry about money. I don’t dream of a big fancy home. Okay, I would like a fancy car or truck, but not to impress people, just cause I like cars and trucks. I just don’t see why I need to put that pressure on myself to be something I am not. Why do I have to be striving and pushing and beating myself up because I am not something special? What if all I am meant to be is ordinary?
And then, I listened to Brene Brown, and I heard permission to be ordinary. That being ordinary was a great thing to be. That all of this striving to be something isn’t actually worth the effort. It was, in fact, what keeps us from being our true selves. We think we are not good enough, fast enough, smart enough, strong enough . . . . extraordinary enough, and so we are never happy, never satisfied, never at peace. What if pushing and striving was exactly what keeps us small and from becoming something greater than our tiny selves? What if it was exactly what keeps us from being extraordinary?
This thought is enough to get me to change my way of being. I have received messages from friends, family, supervisors, co-workers etc. that I need to have the answers, be the leader, set the example, etc. What if the way to do that is to just be my ordinary self? What if who I am, what I love, what is important to me, what interests me and drives me to just be ordinary, is exactly what I am supposed to be to have answers, lead, and set an example? What if there isn’t anything more for me to do other than just be myself?
That blows my whole sense of pressure out of my soul and body. I can be satisfied being who I am because who I am is perfectly ordinary, and in that I am enough. I am a person who enjoys growing and learning, so I will continue to evolve in some way, but the idea that I need to be more than what I am is not there anymore. I am smart enough, strong enough, interesting enough, funny enough, and I always have been, regardless of what the media says I should be, society says I should be, my boss says I should be, co-workers, friends, family. No matter what anyone else says that I should be, I am enough just as I am.
So then what do I do to stay at peace. Trust myself. Be myself. Speak with clarity and intention, not push, not strive, just be at peace with where I am. If I like to watch TV, I don’t need to feel bad about watching TV because that isn’t doing something productive. It feeds my mind and my soul. If I want to eat healthy food, and I want to eat unhealthy food, I don’t need to punish myself when I don’t and I do eat whatever. I can do my best, and my best is always enough for me, and I am the only one who needs to believe that I am enough.
Others may not appreciate who I am. They may try to push me to be more, be better, be something else. People may want me to be extraordinary. I do wonder why they want that from me though. Why do other people need me or push me to be more? I have had several people in my life who wanted me to be more because they felt like they were not enough, and so if I was more, I could lift them up and make them better. I have had people expect me to have the answers they do not have for themselves because they did not believe in themselves enough to find their own answers, so they looked to me to have them for them. I am happy to share what I know, and if what I know supports others to learn and grow and find their answers, I am happy to be a part of that journey. What I no longer wish to do, is to tell myself or let others tell me, that I have to have their answers, be their strength, be extraordinary because they can’t be that. First off, I do not believe that others can’t be that for themselves. To believe that I need to have your answers because you are lacking something is arrogant, and I have been that. It is not who I want to be.
Recently I said something like that, and was told I was putting up a wall to keep people away, and in the beginning, it felt a bit like a wall to keep others out. It is not a wall, but it is a boundary. All of my life people, situations, cultures, media have given me a message that if I am not more than others, that I am not enough. That message separates me more from others than expecting them to be enough for themselves. I am enough for me. You are also enough for you. You do not need my answers, and I am happy to share what I have. I also know, that you, whoever you are out there who needs information, strength, reassurances, courage, etc., you already have that in you. You do not need it from me. If we all realized that within each one of us is an extraordinary person because we are the best at being just who we are in our ordinary selves, we would all be a bit happier, I think.
If we were each humble enough to say that we did not need to be something for others because their was nothing about us that others didn’t also have within them, it would be easier for us to connect. It would put us all on the same equal level. If I think I have to have your answers, now I am saying that I have something you don’t, and you need me. That separates us because it puts me above you. If you say that I have your answers, that is the same thing. What keeps us connected is the realization that we all have what it takes to be our best selves, and when we are our authentic selves, and share who we are just as we are, we all can see within us what is great about us. We are extraordinarily ordinary, and that is amazingly beautiful.
-Namaste