What is your identity? Identity is an ego-based idea. Our egos want to define us as something known. With every experience we have, it uses them to add to the preconceived idea of who we are. We also do this to other people. As we have experiences with them, we use those to add to who we think we are, and then to solidify who we think other people are. We do not know other people. We only know what our egos have told us they are, our perceptions of them, and most of that is entirely about defining ourselves safely as something known to us. We define ourselves, then use everything else to affirm, confirm, and write in stone who we think we are, including our impressions of everyone else.
Consider this, if you think you suck. When you see other people doing things, what do you think their motivations are? I’ll give you a hint, you think they are motivated by the fact that “you suck”. What if you think you are amazing? When you consider other people’s motivations, what do you think they are? That’s right, you think they are motivated by the fact that you are amazing. All of what we see is used by your ego to affirm who it already believes we are and to keep that identity safe from any doubt or change. That is an egos job, by the way, to protect itself, its identity. It is not motivated by keeping us safe or protecting us. It protects itself. The ego protects the ego, and nothing else.
Shedding identity is a challenge. Why do you suppose that is? Well, one side of the challenge is the ego. It has very strong attachments to your identity. When you attempt to change it, the ego will do everything it can to hold onto it.
Reason two is addiction. Humans become addicted to their emotional states. Part of our identity is our emotional state. People say, “He’s so emotional. She’s cold. He’s bitter. She’s so angry.” We define ourselves and others by our frequently expressed emotional states. We are addicted to those states. If we try to change it to define ourselves by a different one, events will continually trigger us to go back into our previous state. That state is comfortably wired into our brain and body. It’s like driving down a dirt road that hundreds of people travel daily, and then trying to turn off the road. The ruts in the road are deeply traveled. It is hard to jump out of the rut and go a different way. The smallest thing can trigger us to slip back into the rut of our comfortable path.
Reason three is fear of the unknown. I know this path. I know this person. I know how the world works and what my future holds if I am this person. If I am someone different, what does that mean for my future? I don’t know, and panic ensues. I have heard many variations of this over my lifetime, and it goes something like this, “Better the devil you know, than the devil you don’t.” The idea is that what is known might be bad, even horrible, but what we don’t know could be worse. In fact, it probably is. We already know this bad thing and how to live with it. If we choose another option, it might be worse, and we don’t know how to deal with it because it is unknown. So we go with the devil we know. But, what if, the unknown is not another devil? What if the unknown is better? If we stick with what we know, we cannot ever have anything better. While we can’t have anything worse, sort of, we also cannot improve our situation either. If you want a better life, the “devil you know” attitude will never get you there.
We have to venture into and embrace the unknown. Only in the unknown is a better future. Sure, it could be worse, but if you are creating it consciously, mindfully, it won’t be. Going into the unknown blindly without paying attention could definitely make things worse, and probably you will actually end up back with the devil you know. You know, because humans love their egos, egos don’t like change, and we are addicted to our emotions. If we do not consciously and mindfully create the unknown, yes, it might be worse. But if we do, if we consciously and mindfully create our future in the present moment, right now, it will be better. I know this to be true because even if something bad happens, if we are mindful, conscious, and acting as the creators of our reality, whatever happens, will be what is best for us in the moment. It will be an amazing teacher, and amazing love, an amazing growth or whatever we make it into. Whatever we get, we can transform into something better than our past, but only if we are not addicted to making it match our past.
Who am I? This is has been said to be an existential question. While the word existential has come to mean something beyond our experience, it actually means something within the human experience. Existentialism’s main premise is that humans control their experience. That was so much “woo woo” to many people, and so it got put out there as something beyond humans. It is not that out there. You can define who you are. You can change who you are. In fact, every minute of every day, you are becoming who you are. The question is, will you choose that person consciously, mindfully, or will your ego choose it based on your past and your addiction to your emotions?
-Namaste