Humans are often conditioned to follow the addictions of the subconscious or unconscious mind. The reason we allow our less than conscious mind to control us is that we are not aware that it is doing so. In order to move from mindless reactions to our unconsciousness to mindful conscious choices in action, we need to uncover and become aware of what lies within our unconsciousness/subconsciousness.
We have a couple of sayings at my work, “Behavior is Communication. People do not always say what they mean or mean what they say, but what they do, usually speaks their truth.” What that means is that if we are unaware of our unconscious fears, anger, trauma, urges, desires, etc., we become slaves to them in a way, and they, instead of our rational conscious mind, begin to create our reality. In that unconsciously motivated reality, we will do and say things we wish we didn’t mean, but we really do. If I am so fearful of disappointing others, and I am unaware of that fear, I may react to any feedback from others as though it was unreasonable. I would also then not be able to even consider that it was true because to be true, would mean I disappointed someone, and I cannot allow that to happen. So, I can’t hear feedback, constructive or critical does not matter. I cannot hear it because I am unaware that it will destroy me, so I unconsciously dismiss any idea that I might not be perfect. If something were to get through that denial, though, I would actually respond quite violently to that idea in my effort to reject its potential truth.
On the other hand, if I am aware that I have a fear of disappointing people and what that might mean to my self-worth, and I also stay mindful of who I really am and want to be, and I continually attempt to respond to the world based on my chosen values vs. my unconscious fears, I might be fearful of receiving feedback, but I can choose how I respond to that fear. With an unconscious fear, I cannot choose. The fear takes over and controls me because I am unaware and unprepared to counter its force.
To begin to uncover our unconsciousness and make it conscious takes effort. We have to break through our addiction to our thoughts and emotions of the past and elevate our minds beyond thought and beyond emotion. Dr. Joe says to move away from a focus on the body, the environment and time, to no body, no place and no time. The only way I have made progress on this is through meditation. In meditation, I can let go of the past and future and be completely present in this moment, which requires only the emotions I choose to have. When we choose elevated emotions such as love or gratitude, we move beyond our conditioning into a new mind. That new mind can then be aware of our old thoughts and emotions from a distance, which makes them easier to see.
On a day to day basis, not in meditation, I focus on noticing what I am feeling and thinking. I practice not judging either, just noticing them. Once I was good at noticing, I focused on questioning them. Questioning our thoughts and emotions is not a common habit for most. We usually assume if I think it, it is true. If I feel it, it is real. I now know that neither of those is true because I basically question every thought and feeling I have and have found them to be only one possibility of true and real, among millions of other possible truths and realities. Once you begin to question, you will see that too.
It is immensely freeing to notice that I am not locked into my reactions. There are options and possibilities for how to think and feel, all valid! That means I get to choose. Once you reach this awareness, practice making different choices. Those subconscious automatic choices you used to make with no awareness will begin to be conscious and aware choices. Once you are aware of your choices, they will be different from the ones you used to make. And then, see how different life can be when you choose, with awareness, what you want to think and feel.
-Namaste