I’m doing a group about the Monster Within this week. I have been pondering what that means. I got the idea from a co-worker who was planning lessons for the people she supports at our company. I got to thinking, we could all benefit from taking a look at our monsters.
As I thought about that topic, I came to realize that our monsters are not only truly us, but they are the part of us that is called the Ego. The Ego is all about self-preservation. It’s purpose is to keep us alive and safe. More importantly to keep itself alive and safe. Ego is your sense of you that is separate from everyone else.
Now, pay attention to your monster. Begin by thinking about what it looks like. Does it look angry, sad, depressed, scared, arrogant, judgmental, sarcastic, silly, distant, cold, etc.? In the moments when it looks like that, what is happening? What are the triggers that wake your monster? Was it something you did? Something someone else did? Was it an event outside of yourself, something you felt no control over? Then what did your monster do? Did it lash out and say mean things? Did it isolate you? Did it deflect and pull away from connections? Did it is physically hurt you or someone else?
Remember, your monster is you and it is your ego trying to protect you and itself. What was the result of what it did for you? When it pulled you back, did it get you away from someone or something trying to harm you? Did it protect you from yourself? Usually the answer is something like, well it used to protect me, now it just keeps my scared. Our monsters do protect us. Being safe though, will keep us from experiencing some of the things we need to experience. While your Ego Monster is there to keep you safe, it is more about keeping itself safe. It is the opposite of your higher self. Both are you, and your monster tries to convince you that you need them both to survive. The higher self guides you to higher vibrations and enlightenment. Your monster self keeps you down and protected. It will always advocate for defense and guarding, over connection and openness. There can be benefits to each, and so how to nurture your monster is key.
Think about that lovely monster of yours. It has protected you in many moments. However, has it grown too big? Has it started to take over your life? Is there a balance between protection and openness, or is there only protection? A protected life is not a full life. Fear will keep us on a lower vibration, and that isn’t bad for a time or two. It is when the monster keeps you there all of the time or most of the time that you start to lose your potential for love, peace, and compassion for you and the world around you.
The Ego Monster can be in your face, but it can also be subtle. Sometimes it might look like you think you are all that and 10 bags of chips. It might look like you are the best thing to happen to the world. We tend to think egos are like that, big ego means we think we are awesome. That is not the only thing ego monsters do to protect us. They also make us afraid, think we are not good enough, less than others. You might wonder about how thinking like that can protect us because it makes us feel bad. Egos are not about feeling good, they are about survival.
Without your ego you would have no need for protection, and your ego is there solely for protection. It is a strange combination. If we realize that we are all one person, all one soul, all one combined energy, we would realize that there is nothing and no one to protect us from. I cannot be safe from you, if you are not safe from you, because I am you, and you are me! I also cannot hurt you without hurting me, and you cannot hurt me without hurting you. Life and death are illusions. We are energy. We will transform at some point to a different energy states when these bodies we currently live in die, but our energy moves on, it continues on. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, and so neither can we. We will continue, and we have been here from the beginning. We are all part of this never-ending energy, and so, truly, there is nothing to be protected from.
Once the ego realizes this, it realizes it is no longer needed. It will fight back at first. It will insist that you need to be protected, that you need to be defensive of yourself, your ideas, your life. That is just your ego talking. It believes in itself. It believes it is important and necessary. If you try to ignore it, it will get louder! Sometimes as we begin a journey toward our higher self, our ego gets scared it will be lost and fights back hard. It puts doubt in our heads, fear, insecurities that we are crazy for believing in the oneness, the openness, the spiritual and unseen forces that bind us. We start to want to hold on tightly to the earth, the physical, the internal world of what is real. The ego wants to live.
It will lie to you. It will only tell you about a reality in which it can survive. It will not be open to a reality where it is not needed to protect you from everything, because it has to protect itself. This self-preservation mode is different in all of us. It will depend on how threatening you think your life has been in the past, how grand you think your life has been in the past, and how willing you are to let go of both of those ideas. Your life has been what it was meant to be, nothing more or less. It will continue to be that always. Your ego cannot protect you from that. That is an illusion it creates to make you think you need the protection.
All of the things I have been talking about are about letting go of your ego. Any sense that you are separate from anyone or anything else is your ego talking. Seeing yourself as better or worse than others. Seeing your life as better or worse than others. All of that is your ego monster, the opposite of connection to your higher self, and all of it is you. You do not need your ego. You will not necessarily be able to get rid of it either.
As with all things, the first step is awareness. See your ego monster for what it is and what it has been. Second, realize that it is not real. It is only what it wants you to think it is. It is clouded in delusion of need for it. Lastly love it and have compassion for it. Be grateful for all of the moments it kept you safe, all of the things it taught you about life and yourself, and do not fight for or against it. It will always be there. You do not need to do what it says though. It might tell you to guard. It might tell you that you are not safe. Those are all lies. You are safe. You are exactly who and where you need to be, always. Even if that is totally entrenched in your ego monster. It does not have to be like that, and if it is, that is where you are supposed to be right now. Want to change it, fine, it must be time for it to change. Ego means that you are a separate you. There is no you or me. There is only we. Nothing to fear. No reason to hide. Just breathe and continue to be exactly who you are meant to be.
Namaste, the monster in me loves the monster in you, loves the monster in us.