If you have not read the post on the Science of Stress, you might want to read that first. If you already have a good understanding of how stress and emotions can be harmful, you might not need to read it.
We know that being in a constant state of stress can make you sick. It can even kill you. The question is, “Am I in a constant state of stress?” Many people do not actually realize that they are in a state of constant readiness for crisis, they are in constant state of preparing for disaster, attack, fight or flight, hide or retaliate, defense or offense. Whether you realize it or not, being ready for bad things to happen or continuously rehearsing how to deal with negative things you think did or will happen, keeps you in exactly that state, a constant state of stress.
What occupies your daily thoughts? Do you think about how much you love your life, yourself, your job, your home, your family, your friends, your circumstances, etc.? Do you spend your day thinking about all of the things that are wrong with your life, yourself, your job, your home, your family, your friends, your circumstances? Do you spend your time worrying? Do you spend your time managing fires, fixing the wrongs, dealing with crisis? If you spend your time responding either in real-time or in your mind to a life of crisis, drama, problems, wrong doings, etc., you are in a constant, or at least consistent, state of stress.
It is not the environment that is creating the stress, however. It is your response to it that creates the stress. Difficult, challenging, seemingly impossible situations or circumstances are what they are. They do not have to cause you pain, suffering, stress, etc. If we want a different life, we have to respond to the one we have differently. If we keep responding the same way, we will keep inviting the same life.
What we know is that if you are enduring a life that is hard, painful, full of sickness and struggles, that there is a part of you that draws that to you. Again, as I have mentioned, that is not something else to feel guilty about. It is something to become powerful about. Because, that also means that if you are drawing that life to you with your power, you can both repel it, and draw a more desired life to you, just like you are drawing this one to you and repelling a happy life from you. Not saying you always do that. Most people don’t always respond in any one way to life. Just saying, if you are experiencing a life you do not want in any way, you are most likely drawing those things to you and repelling what you do want, by responding negatively to the life you have.
What people tend to do with “bad” things, is let those bad things dictate their future. They do not take the “bad” things that happen and allow them to become the past. If you hang on to the “bad” things and keep them present with you, either the as a physical moment or an internal moment as thoughts you have about the person, the event, yourself etc., you will keep them alive and part of your life as long as you do that. Letting them go to move into a future without them is the only way to move beyond them into a future without them.
People do tend to be resistant to letting go of the past though. They spend their life living in it by remembering it, looking forward to it happening again, dreading it happening again, being fearful or angry about it happening once and then worrying it will happen again, trying to prevent it from happening again. Science says, where you put your energy, your attention, is where you will go. If we focus on our past, we will be destined to stay in it.
That is not to say we should not remember the past. The past and our perception of it can be a great source of inspiration and joy. We can see something that happened and realize something we need to learn. Once we do that though, if remembering it does not bring you joy and inspiration, if you are not learning from it, then it does not serve you in this moment. Our past is not real. It is our perception of what was real in that moment. It is clouded by our experiences, wishes, judgements, etc. It is not real anymore. Once it is the past, which it becomes instantly, it is just a memory. We can look back and use it, but remember it for what it is, your perception of reality in that moment. It is not actually real.
Why do people hold onto the past then? It is hardwired into them. We are taught to remember the past, to focus on it, to learn from it, to use it to defend ourselves and our life choices, our beliefs and values. Not all of those uses are harmful, but by focusing attention in the past, and if that past is perceived as harmful, dangerous, threatening, combative, challenging, etc., remembering it or focusing on it, will serve to bring you more of it. Where your attention goes, so goes your life.
The question was, “Am I stressed?” So, where is your life going? Is it going the way you want it to? Do you have what you think you want or need? Do you feel safe, secure, loved, and satisfied? Do you think about your life, all of the people in it, the circumstances around you and smile, feeling like your life is good? Are you spending time trying to move toward a future of your desires, OR spending time trying to avoid the life you have or avoid the life you think you will have if you don’t worry about it and stop it from happening?
You cannot achieve something by trying to stop something else. Where your attention goes, so goes your energy, so goes the way of things. You can only achieve something by going to it, not by running or moving away from something else. Stress is exactly a life of moving away from our past to try to not have that also be our future, or by believing it will be our future no matter what we do. A stress free life is running head long and strong into a future full of what we desire, expecting it to be real, and looking forward to creating it just like we want it. And in every moment realizing that whatever is happening can be a part of that future, not by avoiding it, but by embracing how it is a step on the way to the next thing. Not what doors are closing, which ones are opening?
You can disagree with me. The science of it though is pretty clear. They have scientifically measured people’s energy and watched the resulting life it produces. They have watched people produce undesired lives, then turn it around and create the best life they could imagine, simply by changing how they went about trying to get it. Run to it, not away from it.
There are many factors that come into play when attempting to change how you run to your best life, and stop running from your current life. When you are as open as you can be to believing that it is possible to let go of the past and embrace the unknown future for real, read the upcoming posts about how to achieve your best life.