The holidays can be a big energy challenge. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to accomplish things in most seasons, and the holiday season sometimes can be a really big push to “do” things. We think we need to buy things, make things, see people, bake, cook, clean, go out, acknowledge people, decorate and on and on the list goes. There is sometimes this expectation that we will have the perfect holiday, and that if we just do enough, it will be perfect.
Perfection in most cases is an illusion. There is no such thing as perfection. The strict definition of perfection is to be with out flaws or defects. I have never had a moment, known a person, place or thing to be without flaws or defects by someone’s standards. That does not mean that I don’t see perfection all around me. I do. I also know that what I see as being without flaws, others do not see that same way all of the time. We are not usually looking for our idea of perfection. We are usually looking to achieve perfection based on what we think other people think is flawless. That, does not exist. For each human has an opinion, there is an opinion on what is perfect. That idea of perfect is very often different from every other human. We may have commonalities in what we see as perfect, but we each have our own unique version of perfect in our hearts and minds.
So for the next couple of months, will you be striving to reach yours or someone else’s idea of what a perfect gift is, the perfect meal, dessert, home, decoration, or a tree, etc. is, or can you find another way to use your energy? What if we did not worry about it being a “holiday”? What if we used our energy to simply meditate on how we feel about one another, and then worked on connecting to one another and the greater energy of the universe? What if we used all of that anxious energy to strengthen our meditation practice, connect with friends and family, deepen our spiritual practice, enjoy good food and company, without wasting it on trying to make those experiences perfect for anyone?
I do not believe in flawless perfection. I believe that we can redefine perfection to mean having a balance of imperfections and excellence that is unique to all things and beings. We are all already perfectly who we are supposed to be, and all things are also perfectly exactly what they are supposed to be. Striving to make them something else, trying to be something else, is a waste of energy. We cannot be what we are not. That seems so simple and obvious. We cannot be what we are not. Yet, how many of us spend energy on exactly that, trying to be something we are not because we think that is what we are supposed to be. We are always who and what we are supposed to be.
I made what I consider a mistake today. I was rude to someone. She said something that pushed a button of mine, and I snapped at her. I was teaching a class at the time, and snapping at her is directly in opposition to what I was teaching, so you’d think that was not a good thing. If you take away the judgmental idea of good or bad, and just look at it for what it is, it was perfect. It gave me a moment to pause and reflect on how I am feeling right now. I am not doing great. It gave me an opportunity to apologize and be accountable in action, also a lesson I am teaching. It gave me an example to use to make a point, that would otherwise have not been there. Would that point have gotten made without that action on my part, probably? That isn’t what happened though. In every class, every moment, we can second guess what was supposed to happen that didn’t, or how it should have been different. It is what it is, was what it was, and second guessing is a waste of energy. You cannot change it. What you can do is use it. I made a mistake. That is true. It is not how I want to be or respond to other humans in general practice of things. However, I can’t say I shouldn’t have done that. I should make mistakes. We all should. I know that to be true because it is true. That is how we learn, and I hope that we all learned from my mistake.
Your holiday will be exactly what it is supposed to be, whether your house is clean or not, whether you get a present for everyone or not, whether you put up a tree, get the outside lights up, burn dessert or dinner or get a chance to see everyone or not, it will be what it will be, and it will be exactly what it is supposed to be. You can waste energy on trying to make it be something specific, or you can flow with the energy of what it will be naturally. Wasted energy is probably not the best description. No energy is truly wasted. What I mean is you can spend that energy on seeking something that isn’t possible, finding perfection, or you can spend that energy on being present in every moment to enjoy what it is, whatever it is.
That is easier said than done, I know. I am struggling right now with some depression. I cannot decide if it is a winter thing, I didn’t take my medication correctly for a period of time (I am not exactly sure how long, because I just noticed my pill organizer was filled wrong), or that I had to put my beloved dog to sleep last week. Perhaps it is a combination of things. It probably is. I am sad, life seems hard, and I am not motivated to do much of anything.
So, yesterday I got up and took the dog for a walk (we had two, now just one). I went to a movie with my wife, and I did laundry. I also watched TV in the basement and did not interact with anyone for most of the day, just when we went to the movie. Today, I wanted to stay in bed, but I got up, I went to work, I taught my class, and when someone came to relieve me, I left. I also took the dog for a walk. I am not enjoying those things really, a part of me is, I suppose, but not like I usually do. Another part of me is just doing what needs to be done at each moment. I am in a lot of pain, which is not unusual, but it seems like a lot more than usual, though probably really isn’t, just seems like it. I have issues with depression. I have my whole life, and the holidays are not ever super easy for me. That idea of perfection gets to me and creates anxiety and feelings of not being good enough. Right now, I am feeling really imperfect.
What am I going to do about this? I fixed my medication error to begin with, and this holiday season, I am going to use my energy to do my best. I am also going to try to remember that I always do my best, and that my best is always good enough. I know my best isn’t always at the peak of my overall capabilities. I am capable of great patience and insight, and right now, I do not feel very capable of those things. I also can have great physical abilities at times, though this is not one of those times. Sometimes, my best is that I muddle through at my lowest level of capabilities not at my highest level. I know that is good enough, muddling through is good enough. I know that because it is the best I can do sometimes. Even if others think I should be doing more. Even if I think I should be doing more, it is what I can do, so it is my best, and it is enough. I just have to keep remembering that. Not just for me, but for everyone who is struggling in life. We are all doing our best.
If you look at others this holiday and you wonder why they are not being better humans, why they are not seemingly doing their best, remember that they are also doing their best. Just like you are. We may not always agree on what that is for each other, but we can know that people are doing the best they can do, even if it isn’t the best they are capable of at other times. Be patient with one another. Love is knowing people are giving what they can, what they have to give, even if it seems like that is not enough, it is truly enough. We are all enough. We are exactly who we are supposed to be. I promise to keep reminding myself of that for myself, and for everyone else too. We are perfectly imperfect, exactly as we are designed to be. Be at peace with that truth, and love yourself and others as best as you can in each moment. That is what this holiday season, and all of life, is truly meant to be.
Namaste, the imperfection in me loves the imperfection in you perfectly